What to expect in 2006

From Terry at www.hoganstand.com

A season of great highs, devastating lows and plenty of controversies await us. Here is an idea of what we can expect to see in the summer of 2006.

May:

Munster Hurling:
Tipperary lose to Limerick and Babs Keating causes fierce controversy by saying that he’d have got ’a better performance from 15 Polish immigrants’. He furiously denies saying this but is forced to resign when it turns out he said it live on the Sunday game.

Peter Canavan announces his return to inter-county football.
Cork hurlers take to the field against Clare all wearing red jocks over their shorts with the slogan ’just do it’ on them. A huge controversy rages when it’s reported that each player got €8.5 0 from Nike to do so. The GPA argues that there is nothing in the rules that says they can wear their jocks over their shorts. Donal Og Cusack insists they are not looking for Pay for Play.

Owen Mulligan is chosen as the GPA’s player of the month but when he can’t accept his award due to a hair appointment, the GPA give the award to Dessie Farrell after he scored 3 points in a Junior B club challenge game.

The first round Ulster football clash in Clones is postponed due to weather conditions (The sun was too bright). Ulster council chairman Michael Grennan blames Sean Kelly.

June:

In Connaught Galway beat Mayo to win the Connaught title. After the match Kieran McDonald announces he’s quitting the game to start a hairdressing business with Owen Mulligan.

There’s a huge media campaign to get the time of the Munster hurling final changed as it clashes with England V Germany in the last 16 of the world cup. The GAA refuse to change the time and 4,210 people witness Limerick beat Cork in the final. Michael Grennan blames Sean Kelly.
In Ulster Football the Donegal team begin to sober up in time for their next Championship clash. Brian McIver brings the panel for a Training Camp at The Betty Ford Clinic.

Peter Canavan announces his retirement from inter-county football.

Henry Shefflin is voted the GPA player of the month but when he fails to turn up the award goes to Donal Og Cusack despite the fact he didn’t make a single save in the Munster final. The GPA say the fact that he found one of his teammates with 60% of his puck outs made him a clear winner.
In Leinster Football all of Dublin’s away Games are moved to Croke park, as re-development takes place at Park Tailteann in Meath, St Mels Park in Longford, Aughrim Stadium in Wicklow, and Nolan Park Kilkenny. In a statement the GAA said the high level of coincidence regarding the timing of the re-developments was pure chance. They went on to wish Dublin well for the All-Ireland.

In a press release the GPA announce that they intend to strike unless they receive 30% of the gate from all championship matches, especially those involving the Mayo hurlers. Donal O Neill insists they’re not looking for pay for play.

Kerry qualify for the Munster football final by beating Waterford and Tipperary and not conceding a single point along the way. Kerry chairman Sean Walsh comments that he thinks his side have an advantage over the Ulster counties in that they don’t have to peak until later in the year.
Michael Lyster announces he is leaving the Sunday Game to present Sky News. RTE announce Pat Spillane as the new anchorman. Joe Kernan blames RTE.

July:

Kerry beat Cork in the Munster final by 19 points. Sean Walsh reckons Kerry is shaping up nicely after an easy Munster campaign and will be fresh for the Northern challenge that awaits.

Billy Morgan is forced to resign as Cork Football boss after picking 15 Nemo Rangers men in the Munster final.

Laois regain the Leinster title against a 12 man Dublin team. Dublin lodge an objection on the grounds that the Laois team were wearing Blue jerseys. The GAA uphold the objection and the match is awarded to Dublin. The GAA commented that this was a scurrilous trick by the Laois Team to confuse the Dublin team and must be punished. They went on to wish Dublin well in the All-Ireland.

Tyrone beat Armagh in the Ulster final, which is marred by 23 yellow cards and 8 red cards, two pitch invasions and two hospitalisations. The referees report is lost in the post so no suspensions are issued. Joe Kernan blames the southern media especially the Irish Times (The surprise is - that anyone reads the Irish Times in Crossmaglen). Mickey Harte comments that it was” typical Ulster Championship Football". Michael Grennan blames Sean Kelly.

Peter Canavan announces his return to inter-county football.
Colm Cooper wins GPA player of the month but is unable to attend as it clashes with a Lucozade photo shoot so the award is given to Kieran McGeeney despite the fact that he’s been out injured all month and hasn’t played. The GPA says it’s our awards and we’ll give it to which we want.

Dublin beat Derry by a point in the All Ireland quarterfinal after 12 minutes of extra time. Afterwards it’s discovered that Dublin played the entire second half with 18 players. They receive no disciplinary action as the referee’s wife left the match report in his shorts and put them through the wash. The result stands.

August:

Armagh beat Kerry in the All Ireland quarterfinal. Sean Walsh demands an end to the provincial system as he states that his county are clearly disadvantaged by it.

Owen Mulligan causes controversy by not dying his hair.

Donegal Football announces a new three-year Sponsorship deal with Smirnoff. Commenting on the deal Smirnoff said, "that product placement was part of the deal and that Smirnoff will be the only beverage served to the team at training and during matches".

Eoin Kelly is voted GPA player of the month but because of a Lucozade shoot is unable to make the awards. Instead the award goes to DJ Carey who announces he intends to make a comeback to inter-county hurling. Brian Cody agrees and starts him in the semi final against Galway despite the fact he hasn’t made a single training session.

Tyrone beat Armagh again in the All-Ireland semi final and this time there are 14 yellow cards and only 7 red cards, one pitch invasion, but Gardai reported that arrested 157 people for being from the North. Joe Kernan blamed the Sligo Champion Newspaper; Mickey Harte said, "Football is a contact sport". This time the GAA suspend all players and both the Tyrone and Armagh panels for 3 months, even those who received no discipline during the match. Commenting on this the GAA says "It is time we took strong action" and we also wish Dublin well in the Final".

The GAA pay BSkyB €4 million (raised through parishes throughout the country) for the return of Michael Lyster.
Grainne Seoige is to join the Sunday Game panel instead of Joe Brolly.

September:

Kerry beat Antrim in the Christy Ring hurling final. Sean Walsh declares " it’s wonderful to see open clean hurling triumph over negative Northern tactics and pure thuggery”.

Peter Canavan announces his retirement from inter-county football.

Donegal turn up for the All-Ireland final, thinking they are in it! Smirnoff are delighted with how the sponsorship deal is progressing.

Dublin defeat Tyrone in the All Ireland final despite the fact that Mickey Harte brought Peter Canavan down from the Hogan stand to play in the second half. The referee played 24 minutes of additional time added on. Mickey Harte says,” it was typical Championship Football". Joe Kernan blames the Dundalk Democrat. The Dublin supporters consume all the 2-litre bottles of Strongbow in Dublin. The GAA congratulate Dublin on their win and their tremendous luck throughout the Championship.

Despite not having played any football during the year the GPA announce that Donal O Neill is to receive the player of year award. They also demand full time contracts for all players but insist they are not interested in pay for play.

In the Hurling All Ireland Final, the Cork team take to the field all carrying Supervalu Reusable Shopping bags and retain these during the game until half time. In the second half they re-emerge, each carrying the new Sony Play Station 3. It later emerges that each was paid €12.99 by SuperValue and €13.50 by Sony. Dessie Farrell of the GPA says that players are entitled to a kit bag and they can play with anything during the game and there is nothing in the rules that says they can’t.

The News of the World cause controversy when they set GPA Chief Executive Dessie Farrell up by having ’the fake sheik’ catch him out in a meeting he had with him in Shannon Airport. In the conversation Farrell is recorded saying, "Well all we want is to get paid for playing"

Grainne Seoige leaves the Sunday Game panel to take up a new role Presenting Celebrity GAA Stars instead of Joe Brolly.

Peter Canavan announces he’s considering his future....