Chuck Norris v's Mr T

Mr. T once heard that you cant spit on supermans cape, so he decided to try it. When he found superman though, he told him it was still in the wash from the day before when Mr. T used it as toilet paper.

One night Mr. T took a 9 p.m. train home. He still wont give it back.

Mr. T can walk on water and fire, but he prefers to walk on fools.

Things with more mass have more gravity. Therefore the majority of the universe is attracted to Mr. T's gold chains. They are kept in equalibrium however, due to the fact that everthing is afraid to get close to Mr. T.

The devil sold his soul to Mr. T.

The only reason god was able to create the world in 7 days is because he had Mr. T, a blow torch, and a musical montage.

Those who disagree with Mr. T in private, call him a fool. Those who disagree with Mr. T in public call an ambulance.

Mr. T was almost involved in a car crash once. To avoid the collision he folded his arms and shook his head. The other car decided it was safer to avoid Mr. T.

Mr. T once walked in front of a speeding bus. Needless to say he was charged with 7 acounts of murder.

When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without having to be afraid.

Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the when the 18-wheeler hit him.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at a sit down restraunt forgot his birthday.

Mr. T once entered a Hot Dog eating contest. He ate a record 93 hot dogs, a 102 oz. steak, three pedestrians, a streetlamp, and a judge who called him "that guy from the A-Team".

When asked what he thought of vegetarians, Mr. T said: "If god didn稚 want us to eat animals he wouldn稚 have made them out of meat Fool."

Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only knows the element of surprise.

Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't think that anything could beat rock. He always picks rock, and when someone chooses paper, he says,"Haha, I win." If someone is foolish enough to argue this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I'm sorry I thought your paper would protect you."

Every time a bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Long live Chuck!

Did you know that:

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by
"knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the
courage to tell him.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could
roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but
Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the
pleasure.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck Norris can simply walk into Mordor.

When Chuck Norris was a child, he made his mother finish his
vegetables.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris