Jokes for Friday - Warning not funny.... but in both Chinese and English

住口

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door, who do you let in first?
如果你的狗在後門吠，而你的妻子在前門大喊大叫，你會讓那一個先進來？

The Dog of course...at least he ll shut up after you let him in!
當然是狗，至少它進來後會住口。

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
三個孩子

A couple had three children.
Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome but the third child was dull,
ugly, and backward.
一對夫婦有三個孩子。
有兩個特別聰明和英俊，可是第三個孩子卻很醜很笨。

One day the hubby got suspicious and asked, Tell me the truth, dear.
Is this third child really mine?
一天，丈夫很懷疑地問："坦白說，親愛的，老三真的是我的孩子嗎？"

Yes, dear, replied the wife, but the other two are not.
"是的，親愛的。"妻子答道："可是另外兩個不是。"

* * * * * * ** * * * * *
妻子的三項優點

When a bachelor marries,
his wife has three qualities she is an economist in the kitchen, an
aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed.
一位單身漢新婚時，妻子有三項優點：
在廚房她是經濟學者、在客廳她是貴族、在床上她是惡魔。

After a few years, sure enough the three qualities remain, but not in the same order she is an aristocrat in the kitchen, a devil in
the living room and an economist in bed.
若干年後，這三項優點依然存在，可是秩序有點變動：
在廚房她是貴族、在客廳她是惡魔、在床上她是經濟學者。

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
許願井

A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
一對夫妻來到一座許願井。
丈夫靠過去，丟下一個硬幣，許了個願。

The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, It really
works!
妻子也打算許個願。可是她靠的太過去，掉下井，被淹死了。
丈夫呆了一回，然後笑著說："真靈驗。"

* * * * * * * * * * * *& nbsp;*

結婚周年

I asked my wife, Where do you want to go on our anniversary?
我問太太："結婚周年紀念，你想去那裏？"

She said, Somewhere I have never been!
她說："那裏都好，只要是我沒去過的地方。"

I told her, How about the kitchen?
我說："廚房怎麼樣？"

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

快樂時光

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn t talk
for an hour?
在二十五周年紀念時，一位太太提醒她的丈夫：
"你還記得你向我求婚的那天，我被打動得無法說話長達一小時？"

The hubby replied : Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life.
丈夫回答： "是的，親愛的，那是我一生中最快樂的時光。"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

手拉手
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
我們逛街時常都手拉手。如果放開，她就會去購物了

預祝妳（你）天天開心