How to Snare an Irish Lad?

Sorry, had to delete this. Cheers.

Hi,

The man in question and I will be having a tete a tete next week when he's back in town from work. While I haven't received any tips, I think my 15 secs of fame is up. I have horrible visions of him coming across my post here and thinking I'm loopy (as opposed to woman on mission...well, ok, I get.)

So, aphrodite will now go and partake of some wine and grapes, and ponder upon what aphrodit-ous drippings to say to him.

I feel like I'm talking to myself but it's still been a fun idea to post here. It's like singing in a karaoke room on my own.

aphrodite wants her man

This is definitely the most interesting post on IrishAsia so far!!

What in the blue hell are you talking about though love????

Hi Mccannom,

Just about an Irish and how to win him over.

aphrodite wants her man

I forgot to add. Under 'About Us' on this site, it states:

"Our goal is to promote business and social relationships among the Irish community. IrishAsia has no interest in influencing or profiting from these connections but will act as a resource where ever necessary to help these relationships flourish."

So, I think this qualifies as helping "these relationships fluorish"? I am very heartened to note that IrishAsia will not try to profit from this.

aphrodite wants her man

Aphrodite,

There are 2 ways to an Irish mans heart:

1) Beer

2) Sport

For the beer I think that's pretty self explanatory. Either you work in a bar, you own a bar or your family owns a bar. If this is not the case just buy him loads of pints and impress him with your drinking ability.

For the sport this may take you your whole life to study. It would help if your father is either Micheal O'Muirahuirti or Jimmy McGee (if you don't know either of these men you have longer to go than I thought my girl!). Below is an intro into what you are up against.......

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop
assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which
you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them
with desire.

Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had
no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop
and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other
shopper and buy the shoes.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and,
*whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch
the purse and buy the shoes.

Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it
would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.

Congratulations - You have just learned the offside rule!

McCannom,

I'm about to make your best friend. But before I do, I have to finish my beer so that I can type with both hands. As a start, I think Michael M. is rather used to seeing his name spelt a different way. Now, because I'm a smart woman, I'm not going to tell you what is correct. I'll just let you think you came to it all by yourself.

Have to finish the beer now.

aphrodite wants her man

Now, if this Irish man I quite adore doesn't come up to scratch... How might he not come up to scratch, you ask? Oh, I don't know. How about it's late arvo and not a call or an email to wish me Happy V Day?? I don't care if he's out of town for work, he's got a few hours till sun down before he's toast. If that happens, I'm starting a new forum topic "How to Chain An Irish to the Wall in Front of a Beer Barrel".

Ok, while he's still got these few hours of grace. Where were we? Ahhh, beer and sports. You've picked the wrong girl, my friend. Ok, I'm not mad about the beer. I like my Erdinger, Miller and Kilkenny. But only if I have to and if the sun is blazing while I'm lying by the pool in my bikini, trying the dial the pedicurist with my toes while waiting for my (finger)nails to dry. But ok, I get the beer thing. He does drink a fair bit of that although he likes the pussy brands. But it's not my drinking ability he likes. It's my lack thereof.

Sports. When I was a kid, I stayed up to watch Holland win the Euro. Now, my reasons may not have been stellar, I do admit it was for Marco van Basten and because I like the colour orange. To watch him benched for much of his later career because of a knee that just stayed bad...painful. Then in 1990, I was mad about Gary Lineker and although he didn't win no medals, I was as proud as his mama when he won the Fair Play award. For years, I followed AC Milan where good old Marco was and then I latched on to Man Utd. When Georgie died, believe me, I followed the news. Were I at Stormont, I would have wailed. I am still an Old Trafford faithful although I quite dig the Liverpool revival.

I can talk to you about rugby. Rugby I understand and I'm mad about. I think O'Driscoll, that's BOD for the lustful amongst us, is a sight for sore eyes and I hope Ireland starts playing better than it has the last 2 games. And England taking off Corry for Dallaglio was just bad taste. Gaelic football I'm struggling with. It's like you can't decide if you want to play touch or soccer. No offense, just a female opinion. And international rules? If Gaelic isn't confusing enough, you now have to further change and complicate things. It's a lot of fuss for a game that only 2 countries play.

We can talk about cricket too or tennis or cycling. I know my sports as well as I know my shoes. Speaking of which, your shoe analogy was class. I've got to hand it to you. That was pretty damn good. I'm sending it to all my girlfriends and their boyfriends will want to thank you.

OK, I think the man in question is inching pretty close to the toaster now. I'm going to hand him a parka as I welcome him to hell.

Stick around, please. I may need to ask how best to skin an Irish alive.

aphrodite wants her man

Roisin is that you love? Listen now, but I'm afraid I had to leave Taiwan not so long after our brief encounter and move to Fra...Brazil.

I know that evening we met I told you I would be in Taiwan for at least 5 years. But as we suspected, that phone call I got the next morning was indeed my CIA handler telling me I had a new mission in the southern plains of a small Inca village far far away.

I do appreciate you keeping up my cover story of being out of the country "on business" though, even after 15 months!! And my humble apologies for failing to send you valentines wishes, both this year and last year. Unfortunately I cannot promise roses next year either as I have to fight a tribe of pigmy warriors each time to get email access. Little fcukers hog the internet cafe you know!

Anyway listen to me now, I heard through my Taiwan contacts about the bush-burning, hakka tribal-dancing evenings you've been organising to 'encant' my speedy return. Its also come to my attention that you've been standing at traffic lights in Taipei handing out flyers to people with my picture on it.
And low and behold if you haven't tracked down my final refuge on the irishAsia website. The British government are looking for people just like you to infiltrate the heart of subversive Irish groups you know. Not that I'm suggesting you move to Ireland God love us.

Unfortunately however I'm stuck here in the Amazon region for another while yet, so its with heavy heart that I 'lep' into that toaster of yours and bid you a final farewell.

Mind yourself and take it handy on the medication!

Slan
Paul O Driscoll

P.S. If I'd known from the start you were a Man U fan this fiasco would never have started!

Roisin? Aphrodite? Or is it really Jimmy McGee (that knowledge of sport is a little suspect for a lady. Yeah, Yeah, I'm sexist....yada..yada...yada)

If it is you Jimmy stop messing with us and get back on air. There's a winter olympics to commentate...

Paul,

Your secret is safe with Irish Asia. Watch out for those wild, Amazon, cows.